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The best of internet jokes, wisdom and spoofs Shorts A man's vehicle is a symbol of his manhood. That's why my vehicle's the Piccadilly Line - it's the size of a county and comes every two and a half minutes. "Life sucks like a decrepid old grandmother with loose dentures and a drug problem". Apparently, when Great Britain joins the EU, the term "spending a penny" will be replaced by "euronating". After Noah built the Ark and survived the Great Flood, God appeared to him and asked him to build another Ark seven decks high. "Another Ark, my Lord? Am I to fill it with 2 of every creature again?". God replied "No, you will fill it with fish". "Ah", said Noah "a Multi-Storey Carp Ark" The other day I phoned my local pizza delivery firm and asked for a thin and crusty supreme... They sent me Diana Ross. The Ferrari F1 Team recently fired the whole Pit-Crew to employ some young unemployed youths from the Inala Area. The decision to hire them was brought on by a documentary on how unemployed youths in the western suburbs can remove a set of car wheels in less than 6 sec without proper equipment. This was thought to be a good move as most races are won & lost in the pits these days & Ferrari would have an advantage. However Ferrari soon encountered a major problem not only were "da boyz" changing the tyres in under 6 seconds but within 12 sec they had resprayed, renumbered and sold the vehicle to the McLaren Team. Two aerials fall in love get married the ceremony was a disaster but the reception was brilliant. How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, but I don't know how they got in there... Two fish in a tank one turns to the other and says "how do you drive this thing"? At a recent Sacramento PC User's Group meeting, a company was demonstrating its latest speech-recognition software. A representative from the company was just about ready to start the demonstration and asked everyone in the room to quiet down. Just then someone in the back of the room yelled, "Format C: Return." Someone else chimed in: "Yes, Return". Unfortunately, the software worked. An English professor wrote the words "A woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing." Sign at a Restaurant Ibiza, Spain... Guys: "No shirt, No service." Girls: "No shirt, No charge." On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. Be still my heart, thought the physician, my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps! Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?" |